There’s a type of anti-gun argument that goes like this…
“In America, it’s harder to do X than it is to buy a gun.”
Lefties love it because they think it makes them sound smart and deep. But more importantly, it carries with it the chance to go viral and deliver the oh-so-sweet dopamine hit of a good “yasss queen” from people who aren’t smart enough to realize how badly you’ve beclowned yourself.
Even Obama got into the act with his claim that in America it’s easier to buy a gun than a book. It’s a dumb argument and whenever you hear someone make it, you can be sure they have never, not once in their life, tried to buy a gun.
So it was with amusement that I saw someone called Jake Lobin who thought he could get in a clever dig at Abortion Restrictions by tweeting: “America: Where uteruses are more regulated than guns.”
Well…
Let’s have a few laughs at Jake’s expense and do some role playing…. imagine, for a moment, a nice Los Angeles couple (I’m going to use CA because that’s where I live) who decide they want to have a baby. Now imagine that the rules for having a baby in CA are the same as the rules for buying a gun. The process might go something like this.
First, the couple goes to their OB-Gyn and says “Hey Doc, we’d like to have a baby.”
Doc says, “That’s great! I’ll just refer you to a Federally Licensed Pregnancy Dealer and you’ll be on your way!”
“Wait, wut?”
“Yep… can’t have a baby unless you do so through a FLPD… my nurse out front will set it up for you.”
A few days later, the couple shows up in the office of their FLPD who tells them that before they can get pregnant they have to jump through a few hoops. First they have to fill out an application for a background check. “Now, keep in mind…” he says… “Everything has to be filled out exactly correctly. Even the smallest error (like an errant capital letter… “DR.” for drive instead of “Dr.”, for instance) could cause your application to be rejected and then you’ll have to come back and start all over.”
Once that’s done, the couple is required to pass a 25 question test on Pregnancy safety. If they fail, they won’t be able to try again for 24 hours, which is a pain in the ass because the closest FLPD is 40 minutes away in Long Beach. Oh, and the test costs $25 dollars. If they fail twice, they’ll have to pay another $25 dollars to buy two more tries.
After they’ve successfully passed the test… “OK, that’s it” says the FLPD, you’re all set.”
“So we can go ahead and have sex?” the husband asks, excited.
“HAHAHA Oh, no. No, you have to wait ten business days. That’s the State Mandated cooling off period”, he winks at the husband, “If you know what I mean.”
Husband glares at him….
“Ahem… anyway, come back here in two weeks and we’ll authorize you to begin trying to get pregnant… but make sure you bring a utility bill so we can confirm your address.”
“What?” asks the husband, annoyed now for the first time.
“Yes… or your cable bill, either way. Also, once you’re authorized to begin trying to get pregnant, whenever you are not having sex, you must keep your penis unloaded and safely stored where no one who is not authorized to use it can get access to it.”
“What!?
“Yep, and you Ma’am, once you’re pregnant you may not carry your loaded uterus on your person, outside your home, at any time, concealed or in the open, for any reason.”
The wife looks at him and says, “So, I’m basically on bed rest until I give birth?”
“That’s right.”
“But what about when I go into labor? How will I get to the hospital?”
“Oh, that’s perfectly simple. You simply need to unload your uterus, store it separately from the fetus, and place them both in the trunk, or other locked box, where you cannot reach them for the duration of the drive.”
Husband and Wife are staring in disbelief at this point but somehow manage to ask “is that all?”
“Yep… oh, one last thing. If your kid should injure or kill anyone while he’s living under your roof, you’ll be charged with a felony. OK (claps hands together) I think we’re done here. Happy hunting!”
Husband slams a fist down on the counter. FLPD says “look, I know it’s frustrating, but you have to understand. Climate Change is an existential threat to life on Earth and we need to disincentivize pregnancy for the good of the Planet. Overpopulation is a public health emergency.”
As the couple storms out in disgust, the FLPD shouts after them… “And remember, guys, surrogacy is illegal… we call that a “straw purchase”!”
Sooooo… starting to get the picture?