Right now, the Lockdown Karens control the outdoor masking battlespace. They are way too comfortable with the process of identifying unmasked targets and getting up in their faces to demand they immediately put on a mask. Typically they will film these encounters and post them on social media hoping for the kind of “yass queen!” and “likes” that are like a drug these people can’t seem to live without.
I’ve seen a lot of these videos, what I have not seen much of is any kind of real resistance from those who get attacked by these vicious nannies. I think it’s time to change that. We need to flip the battlespace on these people and start fighting back.
I’m not advocating violence… violence is not needed when dealing with cowards who expect that they will not face any kind of thoughtful pushback. In every one of these encounters, these Karens engage expecting that they will control the high ground throughout the encounter. We need to change the agresssor/defender equation in order to win.
I see two ways to do that.
THE DEFENSIVE ENGAGEMENT
I believe most of these Lockdown Karens are cowards. They enter these confrontations with a script they have carefully composed in their minds and they expect to move through that script with no resistance. In addition, they expect that those around them will rally to their cause while they safely record the encounter and then push it out on social media where they will be showered with all the glory they imagine they deserve.
You’ve got to disrupt that expectation right away. I believe that if you do, they will falter and be unable to recover. They will have surprise on their side, so the encounter will be unexpected for you, but when it comes, I think the critical strategy is to deny them the ability to move easily through their script. Whatever they say, you should respond with “excuse me?” Make them repeat themselves several times and then finally say “I’m sorry I can’t understand you with your mask on.” If they continue to try and make their point just keep smiling and pointing at you ear while shrugging. If they continue after that, start asking them random questions… “what’s your name?” “where are you from?” “what brand of leek is your favorite?” “Who do you think will be in the 2046 Superbowl?” “Which have larger ears, African or Asian Elephants?” Random questions designed to throw them off script. If they continue to persist, hand them something… a book or store receipt and say “I’m sorry but my eyes aren’t so good, could you read this to me?”
The trick here is to smile throughout the encounter and never let them get comfortable in their script. Give them NO indication whatsoever that you have heard or understood anything they have said.
It’s not going to be easy. You’re going to be angry, you might feel a little embarrassed, and you’re going to be facing a tremendous amount of peer pressure, but you must stay calm and totally commit to the performance. You must be relentless in your claim that you can’t understand them over their mask or, failing that, continue to ask your pointless and inane questions over their objections. The key is to avoid engaging with their argument on the merits… don’t tell them you’re vaccinated, don’t mention what the CDC says about outdoor masking… when you do that you accept the premise of their argument.
Don’t.
You’ll also be tempted to take out your camera and film the filmers, but don’t do that either. That will let them know they’re getting to you… that what you’re doing is a performance. The only solution is to play dumb and frustrate their carefully choreographed attack. The minute they realize they are not going to get the heroic film they want (and in many cases desperately need) they’ll give up and leave you alone.
THE OFFENSIVE ENGAGEMENT
Right now, the Karens feel confident and virtuous in their outdoor masking. They don’t believe, and can’t even imagine, that they will run into anyone who would publicly object to the fact that they are wearing a mask. As a result, they feel confident in public, while the rest of us are made to feel nervous and defensive about our refusal to mask up outdoors.
We have to change that by giving them something to think about.
Next time you see someone walking alone outside while wearing a mask simply walk up to them, smile and say “Excuse me, but you do realize that you’re outside, right?” They will likely be caught off guard but if they are a committed Karen then they have probably imagined and planed for this very encounter. They will quickly attempt to get back on script, but before they can say anything, simply cut them off with “The CDC says it’s impossible to catch COVID outside, so you should follow the science and take your mask off, like me!” Then briskly walk away.
At first they’ll be furious, they might even shout after you about all the different ways you should go off and have sex with yourself… simply ignore them and continue to walk away. You’ve won the encounter, and the next time they are outside and masked, they’ll be on the defensive, wondering how many other people who feel the same way you do might be out there in the world.
Don’t do any of this inside stores. We can’t be dicks about this. Stores have the right to require a mask and you should honor their request as part of belonging to a civil society. Being an asshole in public does nothing to help the cause (as we learned on Janaury 6th). But outside? Well, there, all bets are off. Let’s start taking back our streets… be respectful and have a smile on your face while you do it, but take them back all the same.